The One Where I Just Can't Catch A Break
The last three months have been stressful and it feels like I just can't catch a break. Although work has slowed down a lot for me, my personal life feels like it has been falling apart. I debated on whether or not I should share what's been going on (because honestly, there are a lot of sweet people in the world enduring much worse) but I hope writing this post will be therapeutic for me.
Back in September, we ran into some car alternator problems and had to spend an unexpected amount of money (which is no fun for anyone, really). After fixing the same car problem for the second time this year, we decided that it was time to retire our 17-year-old car and invest in a new one.
Being the stubborn person that I am, I was so set on doing things my way and I didn't really want to listen to the advice of those closest to me. I rushed into the process of buying a car and I put myself through unnecessary stress because what I thought was supposed to happen and what was really happening was not matching up. After a few weeks of going back and forth with the dealer, my insurer, and the bank I finally got to bring my new car home at the end of October.
In the midst of enjoying our new car, we were hit with another unfortunate event — our new car was broken into. My heart still feels devastated, ashamed, and naive. I feel targeted and violated. While many people have offered there sincere apologies and support and I put on this front of positivity, it's those closest to me that are hurting me the most and that is what is making it hard for me to shake it off.
I've been told i'm being dramatic amongst other things but I feel like I have the right to feel this way. Yes, I know I am going to have to get over it eventually, but why not help me instead of mock me? Something like this has never happened to me before and moving forward I just want to protect what is mine ... what is ours. But it is so hard to do that when people don't see the need to support you through it.
And while all of this is happening i'm now fighting the flu. 2017 (or maybe being 26?) has been absolute shit as of recent. I truly wish things were better and that I could be a better daughter, sister, friend, and girlfriend ... but I just don't have the energy. My cup is officially empty.
I have a lot of soul searching, praying, and self care to tend to before 2017 ends. God is calling me to humble myself so that I can come back to Him. Whether you read this or not, know me in real life or not — thank you for reading, thank you for your kind words, and thank you for your prayers.